nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
