I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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