she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
