Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
don't judge my taste in strippers
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
