if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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