I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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