I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
