Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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