What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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