you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
