Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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