Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize