Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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