Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize