You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think I just sharted jello shots
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