yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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