And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
