It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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