10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
