i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
