the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
