There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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