Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
