College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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