just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
