I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize