I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
