Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
