Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
