VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
