I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Couch. On fire.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
