Sry I called you an 8
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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