Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Acid is not a monday night drug
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
