Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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