Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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