i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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