12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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