Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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