I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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