i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
