He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
