5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I need a beard to bite.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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