Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just want nice things and good sex
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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