I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
