Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
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