I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
