It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
