I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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