Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
