I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
