SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
