Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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