I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
