So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
