Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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