We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize