I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
