yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
