garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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