I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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