I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
